Saturday, March 29, 2008

DISAPPOINTED

There's this pressure.

It's just there. There are people all around her. She's looking around for someone who might just understand that she's mediocre. Her marks have started showing it. But they won't accept it. Ever. All she wants is for someone to come, hold her hand, hug her and tell her that it's fine if she doesn't do well. That it's not that important. But she's built up the atmosphere that she's in. She likes it when people say she's intelligent. Only, she can't live up to it anymore.

She's struggling. But they're pushing her forward. "You can do it", they keep saying. "You can"

But she can't. She's not that smart. Why do people think that way? Then there are people who are doing the same thing and are so good at it, that she's pushed to the background.

She's trying. She's trying really hard. But it's too high up and they think she can jump higher. They think she's not trying as hard as she can. But she is. She knows that. And it's hard to see that they don't appreciate her, just because she can't do it.

But it's difficult. She's trying to cope up, but she's slipping away. She's trying, but there is sweat on her hands. She wants to hold on to it, she wants her moment, but the outcome is not what she desires.

People want to know if she is putting in her best efforts. They say no. She can do better.

She's trying but nothing is coming out of it. And then she falls. Falls all the way down. She's screaming, yelling for help, but they're just standing there, shaking their heads.

"You didn't do it", they say. "You disappointed us."

7 comments:

Vasudha said...

Ultimately it all boils down to being able to satisfy your own expectations, to not being able to disappoint yourself. If you can do that, however mediocre you may appear to the rest of the year, you're good.

Glad you're back. :)

Disha said...

I know exactly what this post meant!
All of us go through this..
I guess its pretty much normal, right?

Everything is normal for me. :|
Eeeeek.
Anyway, yay! You're back!
I deleted my blog btw :P
The Kritika Syndrome :| :P
But yay! Ima comment regularly :)

kika said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kika said...

@ vas : i just like to glorify whatever i write...me not sad...ma just write when me is sad

@ dish :
"The Kritika Syndrome :| :P"
hullloooooo....
u and aanchal are best known for deleting ur blogs...
i just deleted it once..
sheesh! and u call me a dlete-er!

Anonymous said...

*comes*
*holds kika's hands*
*hugs*
Its okay if you dont do well.It really is.:)
<3

Vasudha said...

rest of the year? Screw me. Rest of the world* :|

And yeah, sadness tends to bring out rather more emotionally charged and realistic posts. And writing it out helps too. So, no problem-o. =)
Anyway. Lesser the marks you get, lower are the expectations from you. Learnt it the hard way. :(
Hang in there. :)

kika said...

thnx