Monday, January 19, 2009

MY PARROT THEORY

Last night, my parrot flew away. We had probably left the door of the cage open. Ironically, his partner chose to stay behind. The entire night, the survivor called out to the escaped. He was probably praying for the escaped's well being. It hopped around the cage calling around again and agin, strength decieving it. It looked up at the sky and asked for help. When the squirrels gathered up around the cage and my dog lay down beside the survivor, it didnt soothe him. It called out agitatedly. The animals lay close to it, silent yet supportive, lazy yet understanding. But the survivor didnt want to give up. It didnt want to face harshness. It wanted faith, hope, inspiration. It couldnt just sit down and loose someone it loved so deeply.
In the morning, he screeched till we paid attention to it. Even though we were sad, we soon pushed it to the back of our minds and focused on more beneficial things.
More than half the day, the survivor rebelled. It refused to eaty or drink. It refused to respond. But its rebellion wore off as the day progressed.
Sad and alone, it sat in one corner of the cage, whimpering. I felt what it was feeling. I sat with it for an hour. I knew exactly what it was feeling. I'd gone through it. Loosing someone. Calling out to the someone. Then giving it up. Pushing it back and moving on. Being careful not to tap that part. Then sitting and crying helplessly when realization surfaces. Then moving on again as if nothing happened. Looking for consolation but not being satisfied by it.
Rebellion makes you nfeel stronger but it robs you of emotion, of memories that you would hate to give up, of moments you would love to live in, of a life you think you own.
Words can never make up for loss. I'd learnt that. And the survivor has to learn it too. It needs to stand up again now. Feel his partner and then let him go. Not repenting the differences in choices. Not resenting words. It has to learn to feel beyond pain and sadness. It needs to live again, independant and lonelier.
And I'll support it. I'll help it climb on life again. That's the least I could do with my useless life...